According to a New York Times Special Edition this morning, both the Iraq and Afghanistan wars have been finally brought to an end, and all US troops in both countries will begin returning home immediately.
Across the country and around the world thousands have taken to the streets to celebrate the culmination of years of progressive pressuring of the Bush administration and Congress.
Condoleeza Rice has publicly apologized on behalf of the Bush administration and admitted that the administration simply lied through it's teeth to justify the initial invasion, that she and Mr. Bush had known well before the invasion that Saddam Hussein lacked weapons of mass destruction, and that the hundreds of thousands of US Troops in the country in fact never did face instant obliteration.
"It was all complete and utter bullshit" Secretary Rice said tearfully, as she begged a weary nation for forgiveness, while she was led away in handcuffs by four burly officers.
George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States, was indicted Monday on charges of high treason, took it like a man, and didn't even stamp his foot, or curl his lip.
In other news, the controversial USA PATRIOT Act was repealed by Congress by a vote of 99-1 in the Senate and 520 to 18 in the House, Congress has voted to nationalize the entire oil industry and place ExxonMobil, ChevronTexaco, and other major oil companies under public stewardship to fund addressing climate change worldwide.
A bill to eliminate tuition at public universities is making its way through Congress and is expected to pass within days, and The United States National Health Insurance Act is expected to be signed into law by President Bush within days to undercut incoming President-elect Obama, leaving him with nothing to do for the next four years.
Wal-Mart is also being evicted from all low income neighborhoods throughout the nation, and an editorial in the paper today asserts that "lobbyists" are "people", too. More study is planned to confirm that however, as the paper has been able to find no one who will believe it, however.
The leaderless nation will turn it's efforts now to an Apollo Program scale effort to build a sane economy.
Henry Paulsen has announced that he will land on the moon before this decade is over. No one has offered to return him safely to earth.
Dick Cheney has been reported to be missing. Neel Kashkari was found this morning floating face down in the east river.
The following video is reactions of the public to the distribution of the New York Times Special Edition:
New York Times Special Edition Video News Release - Nov. 12, 2008 from H Schweppes on Vimeo.
I swear it's all true.
Just ask John Byrne at RawStory. He knows.
Would he lie to you?